No One Does It Better
by paragirl91
Summary: This is my interpretation of a possible Stendan reunion, will be made up of a few chapters. No M rating in the first couple of chapters, but will be later on. Title inspired by the You Me At Six song which I have previously used in a Stendan fan video.
1. Chapter 1

**Still writing all my other fics but this was something that I'd promised Alys, so hunni, this one's for you ;) Will have a few chapters.**

His heart is racing a mile a minute as he looks over at the man sleeping next to him. Brendan went out like a light, as though with Ste beside him he's finally been able to sleep peacefully for the first time in years. But Ste, well Ste hasn't slept a wink.

They're in one of the new apartment blocks in town that Brendan's renting. The long corridors and plain walls remind Ste of the generic hotels that he and Brendan used to spend the night in while they were still having to hide from the world. Part of him wonders whether he'd rather be in that predicament right now, as fucked up as it sounds, even with Brendan beating him up back then, he still had a warped sense of where he stood, whereas now, now, he doesn't even know what _this_ is.

The warmth coming from Brendan's sleeping form is enticing, the sound of his heavy breathing comforting almost. Ste was beginning to forget what it felt like to share a bed, to fall asleep and wake up with the same person beside you. There'd been the odd drunken one night stands since Brendan, ones that he would cry about the next day, but he'd never let them stay the night. He made the mistake once, too tired to care, but when the lanky Scot woke him padding around the room in Brendan's dressing gown 'I was cold' he'd said, Ste kicked off with an anger he didn't even know he possessed. It was like all of the hurt and stress was suddenly pouring out of him. The guy called him a psycho and left as quickly as he could put his clothes back on. Ste slammed the door behind him, sliding down it's frame, body wracking with silent sobs. He'd hit the bottle that night, trying to think of every reason he could make it his fault that Brendan left.

Torn between the urge to run, or to curl up to Brendan and never let him go, Ste ended up sliding out of the bed, careful not to disturb the sleeping Irishman. The wooden laminate was cold on his bare feet as he walked through to the living area. It was still dark out, but the early morning light trying to break through created a sapphire glow. He didn't bother to turn the lights on, embracing the peace to be alone with his thoughts. Could he really go back there? He knew they would never quite fit in to the category of "normal" couple, but in some ways he liked that about them. Normal was boring quite frankly, and if their problems weren't destroying them, then it was only making them stronger. Last night was proof of that, he'd never felt a connection as powerful.

He'd received a phone call from Cheryl a few weeks back, informing him of Brendan's impending release. They'd both ended up crying down the phone to each other, Ste spitting out hurtful words before immediately apologising and taking them back. She didn't blame him though, no one would. She even told Ste she deserved it, for 'what I did' she'd said.

She gave him all the details, if he wanted to be there, wanted to welcome Brendan with open arms or stand there demanding answers. He chose to do neither, chose to stay at home, reading about it in the Chester Herald before ripping it in to tiny pieces. He called in sick to work the next day, Tony knew why, had read about it himself. Thankfully he knew not to probe, just let Ste know that he was there if he needed him. Putting down his mobile he crawled under the duvet, hiding from the world. It wasn't long though before he was pulling out a box from the top of the wardrobe, silent forces propelling his actions. The frame was a bit dusty now, had been years since it was on display, pride of place. Ste made marks in the dust with his thumbs, brushing it to the edge. They looked so happy, as content as they'd ever be. He found himself letting out a sigh, silent tears tracking his cheeks. He'd told him before hadn't he, that he wouldn't give up on him? He'd never given up on him if truth be told, even now. Part of him had been waiting for this moment, ever since that nightmare of a day, so why was he trying to fight it so much now? Was it his pride? There used to be a time when he thought he didn't have any left.

Photo still clutched firmly in hand he'd texted Cheryl, knew he'd be with her, I mean, he'd chosen her over him hadn't he? Of course he'd be with her.

'I think I'm ready.'

Is what the message had read, short and straight to the point. He didn't think he'd ever truly be ready for this, but she'd know what it means. That's why he wasn't surprised when the next morning he'd heard that gruff Irish voice down the phone.

He'd literally stopped breathing for a few seconds, and if the Irishman's following silence was anything to go by, Ste was sure Brendan had had the same reaction.

'I don't really know what you expect me to say.'

Ste's voice was practically a whisper, too wrung with emotion.

'Guess I could say the same' was the response he got.

'But….but I'm sorry Steven, really, really I am sorry. I love you, so so much. Jeez! I'm so sorry!'

'Steven?…..Steven you still there?'

He couldn't muster up a response, tears stinging his eyes.

'Look, I wanna see ye ok? I, I'll get the next flight to Manchester.'

After a long pause he continued, Ste had missed that voice.

'I know you probably hate me Steven and that's, that's ok, and I know I'm being selfish, after everything I've done, everything I've put you through. But I have to see you….even if it's for the last time.'

He could barely choke out those final words.

'What if I don't wanna see you aye?' Ste finally managed to reply, couldn't hide the bitterness that now laced his words.

'I expected you to react like this.'

Brendan suddenly sounded cold and detached.

'I'll still come though.'

Ste hated the burst of hope that he suddenly felt at those words, Brendan was going to fight for him, and Ste was probably going to let him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope I didn't keep you all waiting too long for a new chapter of this, was really pleased by the comments that I had for the first installment :) Unfortunately there has ended up being no M rating in this chapter either, but I promise, once it is relevant there shall be lots and lots ;)**

Blessing and George had found him on the sofa once he'd put the phone down, beer in hand, a distant look in his eyes.

'Errmm…you alright?' George asked in that annoyingly bright tone of his.

Ste didn't answer, merely took another swig from his beer bottle and let his silence do the talking. Thankfully George had the decency to look awkward about the situation. Blessing however could not be deterred.

'This about your bloke in prison?'

Ste couldn't make eye contact.

'He's not me bloke alright…not anymore.'

'You not gonna see him then?'

He just shrugged in response.

'I bet Cheryl would love to see you.' George chipped in.

'Oh what'da you know?' Ste jumped up from his seat, barging past his two housemates who looked slightly taken aback from his sudden outburst.

It was bad enough having to live under the same roof as George anyway, the fact that he'd slept with him only a day after Brendan's arrest crippled him with guilt, let alone finding out after that he'd actually taken his virginity. Since then he'd tried to avoid him at all costs, however when it became too much living with his dad, he had no choice but to take Dennis up on his offer of a room. It was all he could afford right now. George as a housemate was an inconvenience, but he just had to try and get on with it, making sure he bumped in to him as little as possible. So now that he of all people were trying to give him advice, Ste wanted to tell him exactly where he could stick it.

He yanked the fridge open, grabbing for another beer.

'Ya know we were only tryin to help!' Blessing bellowed at him, clearly pissed off now. George just stood behind her, not really knowing who to look at.

'Well ya know what' Ste waved his bottle in her face, 'you can stick ya advice.'

He stormed off up the stairs, Blessing shouting after him about not feeling sorry for him any more.

Ste didn't want people to feel sorry for him though, he didn't want advice, he didn't want anything. Quite frankly, with the storm that was currently going on in his head he just needed to be left alone.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting here for, slumped against the wall but a knock on his bedroom door roused him from his thoughts.

'Can I come in?'

It was his dad, he silently groaned, cursing whoever had let him in the house.

'I'm not in the mood alright' he mumbled as Danny creaked the door open.

'Thought you might need some company?' Danny offered him a small smile, one that only spoke of pity.

'Do I look like I need company?'

Danny knew it wasn't actually a question that Ste needed answering, instead he lowered himself on to the floor so he could lean against the wall alongside Ste, knees drawn up to his chest.

'When did he get out?'

'Couple days ago.'

'You spoken to him?'

Ste wiped away a tear that was starting to form.

'Thought I were ready…but I dunno if I am.'

'That's ok' Danny tried to sooth him, 'no one's expecting you to rush in to anything. Most people probably wouldn't even give him another chance. You're the brave one here Ste, even just considering it.'

'We're not most people….never ave been.'

'Ste can I ask you something?' Both were staring straight ahead, not looking at each other.

Ste nodded, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his tracksuit top.

'Why did you never visit him in prison?'

'Never let me' Ste mumbled, 'thought he was doin me a favour. Wanted me to move on. If only he knew he were makin my life so much worse.'

'I found you though.' Danny turns to face him now. 'That's got to mean something right?'

'What, just so I could be part of some more lies and drama ya mean?' He didn't mean to be so spiteful, but he was hurting, and lashing out at the people he was closest to was what he did.

'Look, I didn't come here to talk about me Ste, I just wanted to make sure you're alright, but if you're going to throw it all back in my face then maybe I should go.' He pulled himself up and started turning the door handle.

'Don't.'

Ste's voice sounded childlike, even to his own ears.

'Don't go…..please.'

At that point he burst in to tears, needing the safety and comfort of his father. They hadn't had a lot of moments like this, but sometimes it was called for, natural.

* * *

Sitting on Brendan's couch in this unknown space Ste couldn't get his head straight.

Only in a pair of boxer shorts he shivered at the sudden coldness, rubbing his arms, looking out at both of their clothes strewn all over the floor. He started picking his up, the jogging bottoms and his t shirt, he'd be lying if he said he didn't momentarily pick up Brendan's shirt, bringing it to his nose and inhaling the scent that brought a thousand memories crashing around him. He needed space though, he couldn't just dive back in head first. Brendan had told him to move on, he couldn't now suddenly expect Ste to put everything on hold to run back in to his arms, even if that was exactly what he wanted to do right now.

Dressing in the dark was slightly awkward, especially when trying to be extra quiet. Once dressed, Ste tiptoed to the front door, opening and closing it as carefully as he could. Once on the other side he let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, guilt churning away in his gut. He wiped away a tear heading down the corridor, looking for the elevator that would take him to the ground floor. As he pulled his mobile from his trouser pocket, intending to ring a taxi, a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

'I understand you wanna hurt me.'

Ste jumped, freezing on the spot.

'Don't do this though Steven.'

Brendan was waiting for a response now.

Ste slowly turned to face him.

'Thought it could be like old times, me sneakin out, no one knowin, hidin ya shame for ya.'

'Don't be like that.'

Ste hung his head.

'I don't know what I want.'

'Well I know what I want, and it aint just some one night stand with ye Steven. I want you, forever. Always have and always will.'

Ste snorted a laugh.

'Well that were a line and a half.'

Brendan was deadly serious though.

'You know I don't do things by halves.'

They were just stood there, staring at each other. Ste suddenly realised Brendan only had his trousers back on, his naked chest on display suddenly distracting Ste on what he was meant to be doing right now.

Brendan caught him looking, a slight smirk playing on his lips.

'If I come back in there, don't mean you've got the upper hand. Saves me money for a taxi dun't it?' His eyes were wandering whilst he lied.

'Come on Steven,' Brendan beckoned towards him, 'ye know I'd never hurt ye again.'

'I know' Ste mumbled, not quite meeting his eye.

* * *

After Danny sat cradling his son, performing a gesture that he missed out on all those years ago, Ste was able to fall in to a deep sleep that night. He assumed it was from all the drama of the day wearing him out, but maybe, just maybe, there was something in the back of his mind that was telling him he'd be seeing Brendan the next day, allowing him a comfort that he'd only dreamt of.

He still woke feeling like crap though, all the stress and crying had formed a headache, along with the worrying about the day ahead.

He managed to locate some paracetamol in a drawer and staggered downstairs for a glass of water. Luckily the house seemed empty, either that or everyone was still in bed. He was just glad he didn't have to put up with any of the awkward interactions that were sure to occur after yesterday's episode.

After swallowing a couple of tablets to ease the headache Ste could hear his mobile start ringing from upstairs. He bolted to his room before it rang off, an unknown number lighting up the screen. He knew it would be Brendan before he even answered. He hadn't bothered to put Brendan's number in to his new phone, had had to assume that he wouldn't be needing it again. That didn't mean that he didn't still have it memorised though, when you spent a portion of your life interacting with someone day in day out, things like that don't just suddenly get forgotten.

He plucked up the courage to answer, slightly out of breath from running up the stairs.

'Hi.'

'Steven.'

'You..alright?'

'Yeah, yeah I'm….my flight's landed. Thought I should let ye know, ye know….incase you'll let me see ye.'

Ste took a deep breath, kept Brendan hanging for a moment.

Brendan could hear him exhale on the other end.

'Steven?'

'Yeah, yeah I'm still here Brendan…ermm..where do ya wanna meet?'

Ste could hear the relief in Brendan's voice, knew the older man still had doubts that Ste would see this through, he obviously didn't know Ste as well as Ste thought he did.

'S'probably not best for me to show my face in Hollyoaks just yet.'

Ste made a noise of agreement, this was enough to deal with at the moment, he didn't need to add the complication of disapproving eyes of old faces, or the worry that they might bump in to his dad or sisters.

'Well, you're the food connoisseur Steven, know any good places to eat in town?'

'You wanna go to eat?'

'Well we're both gonna need food at some point today so…..'

Ste mumbled a noise of indifference down the line.

'S'gonna be weird.'

'I know it's gonna take time Steven, but I don't want ye to have to feel awkward around me, ever, ye hear that?'

'I think there's a place called Divo's, Tony keeps ravin about it. Right on the river apparently..maybe we could try there.'

'That sounds nice, I could meet ye there in an hour? Just gotta track down a taxi an that.'

'Yeah…yeah an hour, I can do that.'

'I'll see ye in an hour Steven.'

Ste could hear the smile in Brendan's voice.

Swallowing his nerves he said his goodbyes and ended the call.

He rooted around for a clean pair of trackies before scooping up his outfit for the day and heading for the bathroom. He let the showerhead spray down over his face, soaking his hair and clearing his mind, the hot water relaxing any tension.

When dried and dressed he wiped the steam from the mirror, observing the slight stubble that had formed on his upper lip. He knew that Brendan preferred him clean shaven, used to tell him that he was the only one who could pull off the stubble rash look, so without hesitation he grabbed his razor and foam, touching up the Ste that Brendan fell in love with. He didn't know why he was worrying about impressing Brendan…..well he did, just didn't want to admit it to himself. He wanted today to be on his terms though, he wanted to show Brendan that he had survived without him (barely), and that he couldn't just drop everything now to suit him. If truth be told, there wasn't really much tying him here, but Brendan didn't know that, for all he knew, Ste had moved on like he'd told him to, carved a new life for himself out of the heartbreak.

When he wiped his face with the hand towel, slapped a bit of gel in his hair, Steven Hay was the reflection that stared back at him, the Steven who would always belong to Brendan, the Steven who knew what love and happiness truly meant.

Slipping on his trainers at the front door, a nervous kind of excitement passed over him. He tried to dismiss it of course, but the familiar faces he passed on his way to the bus stop couldn't help but to notice the new found spring in his step.


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter was getting so so long that I've ended up splitting it in to two, so when the next chapter is uploaded it will follow on directly from this one.**

**Massive apologies for all of my writing taking so long. I have the ideas, just not the motivation to get it all written down, but it will happen...eventually. Anyway, I hope this was worth the wait, their first meet ;) although this chapter is now more of a build up to the next one.**

As he reached his destination, Ste's footsteps began to get slower and slower. The nervous anticipation now outweighing the excitement of finally being able to lay his eyes on Brendan again.

On the bus he hadn't been able to stop himself from chewing at his nails, legs jittering up and down. Too many stupid thoughts kept going through his mind, _would Brendan still look the same? Would Brendan still fancy him? What if he came to say goodbye instead? _It was then though that he realised that he wasn't ready to say goodbye, not now, and not ever. Brendan being ripped away from him had nearly killed him, he didn't know if going back there was going to do him any favours, only make the pain surface again and be ten times worse, but he really had to give it a go, no regrets.

His eyes darted around the restaurant, scanning for signs of Brendan. Ste silently cursed himself for wearing tracksuit bottoms when he took in the modern furnishings and smartly dressed staff. He knew why he had though, knew it was because Brendan always liked him in them. Brendan wasn't here yet though which made him relax slightly and head towards the bar, he was probably going to need a drink or two before he came face to face with the man who still held his heart.

With a pint of peroni in hand Ste decided to check out the seating outside. It wasn't the warmest of days, but the sun was out and that needed to be taken full advantage of. Slipping on to one of the wooden benches he turned around when he heard footsteps behind him.

Brendan looked like an angel with the sun's rays illuminating behind him, a soft halo shading him from behind. He'd let a beard form, even though it made him seem older, he looked kind of vulnerable, yet in a fierce sort of way.

'This seat taken?'

He motioned to the bench seat opposite Ste's, Ste just shook his head, heart in his mouth.

Brendan straddled the seat before hooking his left leg over the bench to face Ste, he sat there looking him in the eye, letting Ste make the first move. Ste merely peered down at his own hands, clasping them together to stop them from shaking.

'How've you been?'

Brendan coughed to clear his throat, voice coming out gruff.

'You actually care?'

As much as Ste's heart was racing with Brendan sitting in front of him, he wasn't ready to be civil to him yet, Brendan could damn well work for his affection. It was the least Ste deserved.

'Pushing you away was the hardest thing I ever had to do.'

'What an ya think I just found it easy to accept that?'

'Course I don't Steven, being inside, the thought of you on the outside, it tore me apart…..I…I just thought it was best for ye, didn't want ye living a life….a relationship, through the walls of a prison cell. Nobody deserves that…..least of all you.'

'You didn't deserve that either Brendan, it wasn't even your fault!'

Ste was raising his voice slightly now, getting worked up. Brendan's eyes quickly darted around, hoping no one else had caught wind of their conversation.

'You know why I had to do what I did.'

Ste just shakes his head at him, can't look him in the eye.

'Doesn't mean I can accept it…I'll never forgive ya for that.'

Brendan bows his head to make eye contact with Ste.

'I don't expect ye too.'

They sit in silence for a few moments, both trying to figure the situation out. Feeling uncomfortable, Brendan realises he hasn't had a drink yet, mouth feeling dry.

'Think I'm gonna go get a drink' he motions to the bar inside, 'ye want anything?'

'Nah it's fine ta' Ste mumbles, hands fiddling with the side of his glass as though showing Brendan he still has some drink left.

Brendan doesn't say anything after that, just swings his leg back over the bench seat enabling him to stand and head inside. The walls are all glass though so Ste can still see him, even though the sun is causing reflections from outside.

He watches him intently, wouldn't want Brendan to catch him doing so, but he feels as though he needs to analyse his every move, make sure this is really happening, and that it's his Brendan who's come back to him, not an imitation.

Brendan hasn't changed though, still holds that air of importance about him even though he probably has nothing left now. His shoulders are slightly hunched as he orders his drink, the cotton of his t shirt straining against back and shoulder muscle. When he walks back outside with his drink, Ste physically gulps, the chest hair visible from the V neck of Brendan's top not doing anything to help him in this situation. He didn't want to feel this way about Brendan anymore, it wasn't fair. Everything was messing with his head right now.

No sooner had Brendan sat back down, Ste was vacating his own seat.

'Think this were a bad idea.'

'Steven stop.'

Before he could make another move, Brendan's hand was encasing his own, trying to hold him to the table, not letting him leave. Both failed to hide the emotion in their eyes as they finally made skin on skin contact. Even when they'd had a relationship Brendan would never hold Ste's hand, rarely even made an attempt as much as he'd told Ste that he'd wanted to.

So now they were frozen in time, Ste was almost looking at Brendan in horror as though he's just crossed a boundary that really shouldn't have been broken. But it was too late now, making the next move Ste slowly turned his hand from underneath Brendan's so they were palm to palm. Brendan never flinched, just watched Ste so intently, in awe of how far he would push it.

He sat back down, hand still touching Brendan's and finally allowed his finger tips to carefully stroke along the bottom of his palm.

'Steven..' Brendan hissed in warning.

'Never really done this before have we?'

Ste was staring at their hands rather than face looking Brendan in the eye, still wasn't sure what would be staring back at him.

Brendan didn't reply letting Ste continue.

'Almost don't feel real.'

His fingers continued to stroke against Brendan's.

'Ya know I've dreamt of this moment for so long. Never thought it would happen to be honest, I mean, people like us don't get happy endings right?…I know you think that.'

Brendan made a move this time, curling his fingers to link with Ste's. This tiny gesture was like a giant milestone, felt far more intimate than any sexual act they'd shared. After being apart for so long, everything became momentous.

Ste's eyes flicked between their interlinked fingers and Brendan's face, waiting for a reaction of discomfort probably, Brendan wouldn't blame him for assuming so, after the amount he'd pushed him away in the past, time now he can never get back.

Ste could hear his own shaky breaths as his heart beat picked up pace. Brendan obviously noticed too when he looked at Ste with worry in his eyes.

'I'm not going anywhere Steven.'

'I know.'

'Look at me then.'

Ste raised his eyes.

'I mean it Steven ok…..I mean, if you want me to go, then obviously I'd leave, if that's what you wanted…..if that's what you thought was best, but…..'

'I don't know what I want' Ste interrupted him.

Brendan pulled his hand away, clasping both in to his lap, suddenly wracked with worry at what Ste was going to say.

'…I know I don't want you to leave though.'

Brendan released a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

'You can't leave me again Brendan!'

Ste was silently crying now, and Brendan wanted nothing more than to reach over and comfort him. He attempted to do so, but Ste drew back, he'd let himself get carried away with the hand holding and was putting a barrier back up. Wasn't it safer that way?

'This doesn't mean everything goes back to normal though.'

He was rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands, turning them red and puffy. Brendan hated to see him like this, but he deserved to have to witness the state that he'd put Steven in. It was all his fault and he had to be a man and face up to his actions, just like he'd tried to do by going to prison. But this time, he had to step up for Ste.

'I know….I know' he whispered.

After a bit of sniffling Ste tried to pull himself together. He hadn't wanted to let Brendan see him like this, he was meant to have been fine without him. Who were they both kidding though? Neither could survive without the other, both barely making it to the next day apart. Ste had to survive for his kids though, and Brendan, well he thought he was getting life, but deep down, a part of him was still waiting for this day, this reunion.

Brendan handed him some tissue from his pocket, Ste accepted and wiped composure back in to his face.

'Did ye wanna get some food?'

The atmosphere felt awkward again, but Brendan wasn't about to let this meeting end before it had even begun properly.

'Dunno if I could eat anythin really, me stomach's in knots.'

'Same' Brendan agreed, 'how about just sharing some chips or somethin on the way back?'

'Way back?' Ste questioned.

'To where I'm staying.'

Ste frowned and began to shake his head, Brendan quickly continued so Ste didn't get the wrong idea.

'No, no, I didn't mean it like that Steven, I just meant…I dunno…..we agreed I couldn't be seen in Hollyoaks for a while, so I thought it would be a better place for us to continue this conversation.'

Ste still looked apprehensive but was possibly softening to Brendan's suggestion.

'Guess ya have a point…can't stay long though, I've got me life to get back to.'

He had to add the sarcasm at the end, wasn't letting Brendan think that everything was suddenly ok because they'd managed to have a conversation for 20 minutes.

'Of course.'

Brendan had the decency to look slightly hurt by that comment, but what could he expect? Brendan had told him to go and live his life, so even though his life was currently tits up, he wasn't about to let Brendan know that he couldn't survive all of five minutes without him.

'Which way is it then?'

Brendan signalled the way and Ste scuffed his trainers along following him.

The chips were good, reminding Ste how hungry he actually was. He licked the salt and vinegar off of his fingers, causing Brendan to watch his actions from the corner of his eye as they walked along. When Ste caught him doing so, Brendan quickly averted the situation with conversation.

'Always taste better from the paper don't they? Don't know why…..just a fact of life I guess.'

He offered Ste a small smile which was thankfully returned.

'Reminds me of bein a kid…one of the good parts of me childhood anyway. Me mam could never cook, and when I was too young to, sometimes they'd scrape together enough money to get us a chippy….weren't very often mind.'

'Chez used to collect the wooden forks' Brendan sighed a laugh in reminiscence. 'Used to say they were for her dolls, being small an all.'

'How is Cheryl?'

Brendan was silent for a while.

'She's got Nate so she's doin good…still blames herself for what happens though.'

'I went to see her ya know.'

'She told me.'

'You knew?'

'She used to phone…never took no for an answer that one.' Brendan offered a fake grunt of amusement that Ste could see right through.

'Maybe I shoulda tried it.'

'I pushed you away Steven, you did what I asked of ye.'

Both carried along then in silence for a while, contemplating.

Ste went to break the silence but then realised they'd arrived outside an apartment block where Brendan was obviously going to be staying.

'Still coming up?' Brendan asked.

'I'm here int I?'

'Come on then.'

Brendan went to guide Ste with his hand on the small of his back, an automatic gesture, but suddenly thought better of it. He had no rights anymore, he had to let Steven set the pace.

'Not bad.' Ste gazed around once they were inside. There was obviously no homely touch to it, not that Brendan would have done that anyway, but it was all very modern which had a certain appeal to it.

'Nate managed to sort it out for me, renting from a friend of his.' Brendan added, following Ste's gaze around the living area.

'This gonna be permanent or…..'

'No.'

Ste quickly looked to the floor, trying to hide his disappointment at Brendan's words that he didn't want to be feeling.

'No, I mean….not here anyway, but maybe…I hope that maybe I can find somewhere else more permanent around here.'

Brendan looked at him hopefully as though waiting for an answer from a hidden question.

Ste shrugged, trying not to give too much away.

'Maybe you can' he replied whilst heading towards the only other room in the apartment that wasn't the bathroom.

Brendan hadn't had time to unpack much yet, but when he followed up behind Steven, he saw he was stood standing at the one item he couldn't be without.

He stood in front of the bedside table locating the picture frame, arms crossed, just staring. Brendan couldn't decide whether breaking this new found silence in the room would be a good idea or not.

He decided to wait for Steven to speak, knew he could feel his presence in the room.

Ste decided not to say anything yet though, instead opting to sit down on the edge of the bed, still eyeing the picture before turning to gauge Brendan's response at what he'd just discovered.

'It never leaves my side.'

'You had it in prison?' Ste seemed shocked.

'Yeah…not in the frame though obviously, but I kept it with me.'

Ste sat contemplating for a while, their breaths the only sound filling the room.

'We look different don't we?'

'Do we?' Brendan asked.

'Yeah, we look happy.'

Brendan's lip twitched. 'I guess we do.'

The atmosphere was getting uncomfortable again, speaking of how things used to be.

'Ye want a drink?'

'Lemme guess? Whiskey?' Ste offered a laugh lightening the mood.

'You know me too well Steven' Brendan winked as he left the room to fetch a bottle and some glasses.

'Ey, I didn't say I wanted any yet' Ste called out from his position on the bed.

'Never turn down fine malt Steven' Brendan called back.

Ste smiled to himself, feeling an odd comfort at the nostalgia. He didn't want to get too comfortable today, but he couldn't deny that this felt nice, being in Brendan's company again. Pretty much all hope of being angry with him had gone out of the window.

Brendan came back in to the room, two glasses in hand, giving one to Ste.

'Ya do know I won't be able to drink this?'

'Get it down ye boy, will warm ye through, put some hairs on that chest.' The tone had turned playful now.

Ste had his feet up on the bed now, resting, head leant back against the headboard. Brendan decided to join him on the other side, facing a wide screen tv on the wall opposite.

'Here, put something on.' Brendan offered as he handed over the remote.

A wave of nausea hit Ste when he flicked through the channels and saw that Walk The Line was one of the films on. Was one of Brendan's favourites due to his Johnny Cash obsession, Ste hadn't been able to even look at the dvd since he'd gone though. Had found it amongst the piles in the flat one night and ended up shoving it in a box, along with the rest of Brendan's stuff the police hadn't taken that Ste couldn't bare to look at around the place. Obviously the explosion had lost everything after that though, apart from that necklace they'd found amongst Doug's possessions. Ste would never be able to ask him how he got hold of it, but he could probably have a good guess.

He left the channel on, 'Guess you'll wanna watch this?'

'I wouldn't mind.' Brendan offered a small smile, one of those caring ones that only Ste got to see.

Ste decided to be honest. 'Could never watch it meself after ya left.'

'Hmm' Brendan acknowledged that Ste had spoken, but clearly didn't know how to respond. Probably trying to avoid an argument Ste thought. That was the most likely scenario anyway if they tried to talk about prison.

Brendan was cradling his whiskey glass, sipping at it intently whilst watching the film play out on the screen.

Ste suddenly felt awkward again, battling his inner demons on whether to leave or stay.

He picked his glass back up as a distraction, sniffing the liquid before wincing at the strong smell, swirling it around in the glass. He hadn't realised that Brendan was now watching him in amusement.

'Tell ye what Steven…' Ste turned his head.

'There's an off licence down the road….want me to get ye some beers?'

'Oh err….' Ste stuttered, 'ya don't have to do that.'

'I'd do anything for ye Steven, ye know that.'

Ste flushed then in embarrassment at the obvious compliment, feeling his cheeks warm and redden.

'S'alright…..honestly…look, I'd err…..I'd probably best be off anyway.'

He went to climb off the bed only to have Brendan grab his arm to stop him from leaving. Turning around to protest, Ste was met with the crush of Brendan's lips, instantly stunned, frozen in to place. He didn't respond, but didn't pull away either. Enjoyed the smell and warmth that was undeniably Brendan. When Brendan tried to deepen the kiss Ste was instantly thrown back in to reality, pulling away with a gasp trying to catch his breath.

'Brendan! What the…you can't just come back ere and try and…and do that to me. It's not fair! It's not…right.'

Brendan looked like he'd just been slapped around the face, and Ste was sure he could feel the sting, couldn't stop the roll of tears down his face.

'Don't cry.'

Ste couldn't fathom in his head what his tears meant right now, he'd gone numb.

'Look, I….I'd better go.'

He powered his way back through the rooms of Brendan's apartment, flinging open the front door, never looking back. He couldn't witness the helpless look on Brendan's face, couldn't let his resolve break like that.

Opting for the stairs instead of having to wait for the lift Ste ran down them as if his life depended on it, taking two at a time if need be. He just needed to be away from here, and quickly. Clear his head.

Finally out in the fresh air he took a few moments to compose himself, panting slightly from the exertion of everything that had just happened. With no idea how to get home it was probably best to call a taxi. That's when he realised he didn't have his phone.


End file.
